I’m looking at you, Karen.
How on earth do you convince your lazy friends to get out there and do something?
You see the potential they have. It’s not like they couldn’t make more money or build something cool for themselves if they wanted to.
But they just kind of chill a lot.
It’s none of your business, but it pains you a bit because you see what they could be if they weren’t so bloody set in their ways.
This article will tell you exactly how to do right by these people and encourage them to work harder without sacrificing any growth in your own life.
You don’t know anything about them, really
I know you’re frustrated.
Your lazy friends should be more like you, dammit.
Have you ever attempted to impose discipline on yourself in the past, for it not to work?
Have you ever intended to work really hard on something, only to let yourself down and slump back into your old ways?
Why is it that sometimes we feel absolutely in control of our actions, whereas other times we feel at the mercy of our habits?
Ultimately, motivation is a very mysterious thing.
We go through seasons where we disappoint ourselves. Then at some point, we grow frustrated with our own bullsh*t, and that painful disappointment fuels us to make a real change in our behavior.
We start to take a little action. Then eventually momentum kicks in, and we surprise ourselves.
Very quickly, we forget that whole process and wonder why some people just don’t do enough with their lives.
Like you’ve been out here killing it from day 1!
I’ll be honest, I’ve been that guy multiple times over the years.
It comes from a place that is equal parts well-meaning and ignorant.
They’re doing their f-cking best ok
You can experience this just by talking to people.
Most people hope for a better future. Most people do intend to be productive and fulfilled members of society. These are not c*nts we’re talking about, these are people with complicated problems.
Instead of judging them as “lazy”, or “not built for it”, understand that they might have had a very different set of circumstances to the ones that you had to work with.
Even your good friends don’t really know all that much about you, and you don’t know all that much about them. When you think you understand them, completely enough to judge their actions as positive or negative, you are playing a dangerous and fruitless game that no one asked you to play.
I once got frustrated with my boss for something he did at work. I thought it was lazy. I didn’t see why the guy running the place, needed to be cleaned up after.
I let him know. Proper gave him some over the phone. 5 minutes of me telling him how he could do better.
Of course, this was a mistake. It turns out, that day he had a serious family emergency.
Like as serious as it gets.
When I learned what happened, I was shocked he actually showed up for work.
I also felt like a massive bellend.
I guess the first point that I’m trying to make about your lazy friends, is that you actually don’t know if they are lazy at all. I mean they might be, or there might be any number of other things going on.
You have almost no information.
So wish them the best, and leave it to the therapists.
One good apple does not improve bad apples
So you cant immediately judge someone as a lazy person just based on your limited assessment of their life.
We’ve established this.
Another mistake that we might make is assuming that our conviction is so strong, that we are going to be able to influence our friends without ourselves being influenced.
The thing is, doing nothing is sexy AF.
It is seductive and habit-forming.
You don’t have to convince yourself to not do anything. It will just happen as soon as you let your guard down.
It feels good in the moment, too. It’s like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.
Trying to get people to actually do things? That’s a way harder sell.
Even people who really like the idea of doing things often don’t do anything.
This is why it’s such a hopeless battle trying to make your friends work harder. Like it or not, over time you will be influenced for the worse as you try to influence them for the better.
You aren’t all that you could be, chief
We need the humility to stay in our own lanes.
Ok sure you fancy yourself as some wise man, but it’s not like you’re absolutely perfect to the point where all you have to do all day is give unsolicited advice out to other people.
There are plenty of areas where you could be doing a better job, in your business and your life.
Make these the things that you spend your time on. Don’t push other people to do more so that they can grow, push yourself to do more so that you can grow.
If you take this path, 1 of 2 things will inevitably happen.
- Following your own advice, you take some action and it doesn’t work out. The business sucks and makes no money. The relationship doesn’t work and feels like a waste of time. You spend all this time in the gym and you hate yourself even more.
If horrible things like this happen as a result of taking your own advice, then it’s a good job you didn’t go around trying to fix everyone, isn’t it? You can learn your lessons, figure out any mistakes you made, and make a new plan with all that hard-earned wisdom.
- More likely of the 2 possible outcomes, You work hard on improving your life and things start moving. Slowly at first, Those brilliant outcomes that you envisioned start actually materializing.
If that happens, those people around you that you were once trying to help start seeing your life change significantly.
F*ck that’s a lot of money. I’d love to make that much money in a month.
F*ck, you look amazing. It is unbelievable how much weight you’ve lost.
F*ck, she’s gorgeous. How did you get with her, looking like that?!
When you achieve those things that are so difficult to achieve, your friends are happy for you. More than that, they are inspired.
They might even ask you for some advice.
Nooooowww we’re getting somewhere!
The only thing you can do for your lazy friends
Setting a good example by working hard and growing is so brilliant.
Your friends win because they’ve got someone right there with a real track record. They can learn all kinds of sh*t by having a friend like that. If they want your advice, you are more likely to actually give good advice. You won’t just be out here guessing.
You win because your hard work will inevitably start paying off. Some magical sh*t could start happening. Even if your friends never get it, even if they think you’re absolutely mental for being so bloody intense, the fruit of your labor will make the whole process worthwhile.
Have the balls to draw boundaries
Now we’ve decided that inspiring people with your own success is the best thing you can do for your friends, the question stops being how you get more out of them.
This is something that I’ve started doing, that has already helped me get a lot more out of myself.
Before someone starts really working, they like to talk a lot about working. It’s fun, and it feels productive.
Debating how to start a business. Talking about the best diet. Talking about how to hypothetically invest money you don’t have.
Often they’ll build relationships with other people who want the kind of thing that they want out of life, and so they’ll enjoy throwing ideas around about these specific topics.
It feels a bit like work until you actually start working. Once you are really taking steps to build a business, for example, you realize that it’s the execution that separates the winners from the losers.
You have an idea, and then you make a plan, and then you start executing. What you need at that stage, is to execute the plan.
You do not need a new plan.
You do not even need to discuss the plan, really. You already made it!
When action becomes your sole aim, you must become very intentional about your time and energy. If you’re building a business, getting in shape, or solving some problem, you can’t be afraid to cut out all the opinions.
When I first started really pushing this blog, I felt pretty guilty because all I wanted to do with my time was write content. That was, I figured, the most important part of building a new website.
I didn’t want to see friends, I didn’t want to go anywhere, None of that stuff.
You might relate in some way to my blog example, and you might feel guilty too. But that guilt is the same guilt you feel when you say no to a homeless person, or when you’re moving on from a job you’ve done for a long time.
The guilt is natural, but it doesn’t serve you. If anything, that guilt will keep you from doing what you know is the right thing.
Don’t worry about fixing your friends when you weren’t asked.
Make a plan, draw boundaries, STFU, execute.
That is the message.